Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I think your dad took our porno
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
