White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
