Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
