Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Randomize
