Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
