remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
