can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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