Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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