Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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