turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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