What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
