I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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