Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
