So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
