so that wasnt chicken after all
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
