don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
