I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
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