Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
