Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
