you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
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