I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
