My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
