I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
And then my night got REAL pukey
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