I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
