New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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