It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
