While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
