doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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