I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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