she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
