Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
