i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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