My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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