I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
only you would photoshop your dick
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Randomize
