12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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