Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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