Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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