Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
