honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
