I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
