I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
