Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
