so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
