At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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