Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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