It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
