Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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