Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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