I'm so fucking centered right now
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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