there was a trapeze. enough said
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
